September 30th, 2009

Find A Moment of Inspiration

I’ve been having a rough week and I’ve been feeling so uninspired. I haven’t even posted to my blog since the sad post about my beloved Symba. The kids have taken turns being sick, which of course means I’ve gotten no sleep and I’m feeling just a lot of anxiety. Not helped by having to keep BabyBoy home on my one day of peace per week thanks to his fever yesterday.

I should be doing some work right now, as I have been lazy all morning and have to pick DH up from the airport tonight. But I just didn’t want to so I was reading a few random posts in my Google Reader instead. Thank goodness I came across a nice inspiring post from Linsey over at Me Too You.  Makes me think I should quit worrying about unimportant things, or things that will pass, and try to think of something nice to do for someone else who really needs a lift.

It’s a good lesson – when you are feeling down, you really need to either dig deep or search hard to find even a small bit of inspiration to perk you up. And now, feeling better, I should go do a bit of work while I can!!

September 21st, 2009

A Tribute to Symba

Symba was 12 years old and in many ways he was my first “baby”. DH, way back when he was my boyfriend, bought him for me as a gift. I had a lot of dogs as a child – my parents were sadly the type to get and get rid of pets depending on a moment’s whim. Well, maybe not quite that bad, but I did probably have at least 10 dogs who they “couldn’t keep” for one reason or another. We never had a dog die of old age. NEVER. One did die as a result of an accident, but otherwise they all were given away because we had to move, usually because my dad lost his job. As soon as things were good he’d go right back out and get another dog.

Anyway, this post is about Symba, not my parents. So Symba was the very first dog that was mine from puppyhood all the way to the end of his precious life. He was so tiny when we got him! He had lovely silky black fur with a white patch on his chest and foot.  He hated to sleep alone and when he gave up trying to snuggle DH’s dog (she was his baby!), he found a way into my bed and slept with me for years and years. He only stopped sleeping with me when he was about 10 and started to prefer the couch.

We had some great times in the early days, with only two dogs and two adults! Long walks, trips to the mountains, cuddling on the couch. It was so easy, lol. Then we crazily added a third dog and it got a little hectic. Then we really went wild and started having kids. He (and our other dogs thankfully!) seemed to enjoy the new additions to the house. Here he is snuggling Little Boy. On the other side is Jack, our first dog to pass a couple of years back.

Snuggled up to Little Boy

Symba is the only dog of the three that was alive for the births of all three of my children. By the time BabyBoy was born Symba had definitely hit his senior years, but still, they have been known to cuddle.

Symba tolerating Baby Boy

Symba had a lot of nicknames, for silly reasons, or no reason at all.  Simmie, Timmie, Symba-oo, Princely Flag (after a beautiful horse we once saw at the racetrack!) He was a good-natured dog, likely as a result of his labrador retriever heritage. We never did know what other breed comprised his genetics, but it really never mattered either. He looked like a lab but he was only knee-height and 40lbs. He hated the water though – not exactly typical of a lab!

Symba started going gray early – probably because he had a really rough medical experience when he was still young. He ate a piece of tennis ball, a tiny piece really, maybe an inch? But it turned to rock in his stomach acids and then proceeded to puncture all through his intestine. By the time the doctors realized what was wrong (the piece was so small it didn’t show on x-ray), he was extremely ill. I thought we were going to lose him then and I cried and cried on the phone as we discussed treatment options. A week of intensive treatment and a long surgery later Symba actually did recover though.  He was never quite the same, but considering that he also stopped eating everything in sight, it wasn’t all bad!

Since Symba was 12, DH and I had already had some discussions about how we would handle illnesses etc. Having your third senior dog you start to learn to discuss before things get too emotional (like at the vet’s office).  That made it slightly easier to think about what to do when I saw how sick my poor Symba was last week. It came on very suddenly and in fact I thought maybe he just ate something bad. He was always “sharing” the kids’ food or trying to get into the baby’s diapers (yuck!) I came home after spending the day with my grandmother at the hospital and he had thrown up everywhere. I let him outside and right away knew something was wrong. He went out into a chilly, drizzly afternoon and promptly lay down on the grass and didn’t move for over 1o minutes.

I called the vet, but unfortunately they were about to close for the day. I could have taken my boy to an emergency clinic, but despite my concern I decided to wait until morning for our regular vet to open. I knew in my heart that the chances of him making the night were low, but I also knew it would be much better for Symba to spend one last peaceful night at home. He really didn’t like the clinic and I didn’t know if there was even anything they could do. He was not in pain, he just looked like he was done. There was something missing in his eyes-I knew the look from when we lost our first dog. I brought him a blanket to sleep on, since he didn’t seem able to get onto the couch as usual. I checked on him a couple of times throughout the night and he was still the same. I got up in the morning surprised, but pleased, he was still with us. I actually thought maybe I was being dramatic imagining that he’d decided it was time to go. Within minutes of my waking though, I heard him take his last breath. Just like that he was gone. I wrapped him tightly in his blanket and Baby Boy said “Night, Night, doggy”. Night, night indeed. I didn’t want the older boys to see his body-reality is one thing but no need for them to see that sweet little body empty of it’s spark.

In the spring, Symba’s ashes will fertilize a new tree in our yard, joining our other beloved dogs. The Jack tree (a lovely dogwood), the Fresca tree (a pretty apple tree) and now, the Symba tree. Not sure what kind of tree he will get yet – but I love the symbolism of the ashes helping to nourish new life.

There will be some nice things about living now in a dog-free home. But oh how I will miss the sound of little paws on the hardwood, doggy sighs in sleep and even doggy barking at the door. Rest in Peace my friend, rest in peace. I’m sure you are now with your friends at the Rainbow Bridge.

Friends at Play Long Ago

p.s. Can I say how super hard this was to write? It took me all weekend, cause I kept having to take crying breaks. I miss him already.

September 15th, 2009

Time An Enemy or a Friend

I wish I could believe time was my friend, that it will wash away the bad memories and help me see the past with rose-colored glasses. You know, like I will somehow magically forget these exhausted years of frustration and crankiness and wondering what on earth I am doing! But time definitely seems like somewhat of an enemy for me lately – I think the precious moments of my life are flashing past, my babies are growing up and I’m a chicken with her head cut off, wondering why I can’t see anymore.

Ok, a little dramatic I know but while fall is a great time to get down to being productive (I have great plans still to try and use September as a self-improvement month as per Alyssa’s suggestions over at Sitepoint), things have been getting busier so quickly that I need to take a day or two to put some better systems in place. I do great on days like today when all three boys were gone (2nd day of dayhome for baby – woohoo!) and I can sit down and just WORK. But I need to work on my productivity other days. I’m getting tired of always working at night when they are in bed.

And when I get busy with work, which is good since you know– it pays, I put too much stuff on the backburner. I’d like to leave at least an hour open every night for some personal stuff like posting to this blog, writing some books reviews I actually want to write but don’t get to, I’ve even been twittering less lately-ack!

Oh well, Big Brother is over now for the summer – maybe those hours I spent watching it will help me out with my productivity, lol!

Time for sleep now – being rested definitely helps me be more productive!