January 19th, 2010

Breathe Deeply

It seems the days that I send two year old to the dayhome, and older boys are in school, are the days I have time to post! Also, they are days when I finally feel like I can take deep breaths and relax even a little. I don’t know if that is good or bad or both to be honest. When my boys are all home I’m busy running around and working and cleaning and oh my goodness there are scary piles of laundry growing in my basement. Who has time to really, really breathe? I have this tiny nagging anxiety all the time that I am forgetting something or missing something. I think it’s my mind. No, really!

Today though I put the older boys on the bus, dropped off the toddler, grabbed my Starbucks (and p.s. skinny cinnamon dolce latte since they were out of sugar-free vanilla = very disappointing) and came home. I was able to pound out some work, plan our summer vacation and chat on the phone with a friend. I feel like a different person on days like this, someone who is not a screaming, tense and overwhelmed mom. Someone who can actually concentrate and drink a coffee before it is cold. Nice feeling, too bad I have to wait a week to do it again!

November 3rd, 2009

Hiding From Them

Today was “my” day. The day I have no kids in the house for 7 hours. Except I did, because BigBoy was sick and stayed home with me. He was quiet and I barely noticed him in all honesty. He watched tv in our upstairs tv room with a water bottle to keep him hydrated. I asked him several times if he was hungry but he really didn’t have any appetite.

Still, it wasn’t the day I was looking forward to at all. The last four weeks I had volunteered on my free day in BigBoy’s classroom while they took skating lessons. It left me some time to get some work done, but none of the free time I so long for. Especially with DH working away I feel the weight of my responsibilities weighing me down. My free day is supposed to be the one day in a week when I can feel free for a little while. Free to go to the library alone, or to do some window shopping or maybe even get my hair done. Little things really – I have simple dreams!

So tonight I feel the weight almost crushing me. I’m the mom, I have to be here, I have to take care of them, especially when they are sick or tired or hungry or thirsty or just in need of hugs. But I haven’t had any time to take care of me it seemed and since the lovely time change has made BabyBoy decide to wake up at 5 am I was extra tired and cranky by the time 6pm rolled around. After yet another spilled cup of milk and a cranky baby screeching at me when I told him no, I ran and hid. Literally. I snuck to the basement stairs and closed the door behind me, knowing BabyBoy couldn’t open it. I went and folded a load of laundry (I know – what a rebel I am!), all the while listening to BabyBoy howl for me. He cannot stand when he can’t see me. And I didn’t want to go back up. How sad is that.

Thankfully they are all in bed and tonight the BigBoy has only a mild fever so I should be able to rest easier. Last night he was hovering close to 105 degrees and I was terrified. I put him in my bed to sleep so I could check his head regularly – he started to cool off in the wee morning hours, you know, just before BabyBoy woke me up for good Now it is quiet and peaceful for a few rare moments and I think I should get off this laptop and actually go enjoy them!

June 29th, 2009

Working on the Weekend

I started working with a new client this weekend. It was interesting, as I’m often busy on weekends and don’t always answer my business line then, but this Saturday I was around home with no real plans and so I answered when the phone rang. It was a client who had some urgent work and was glad to find a virtual assistant who was actually available on the weekend. It was definitely good timing!

It can be very hard to make yourself work on the weekends, when the kids are happily running around the house wanting you to join in, or the farmer’s market calls your name. Or scrabble – good thing I got in some scrabble last weekend, lol! It’s so important to grab good opportunities when they come your way though – you never know when things are going to align just right and you’ll move your business another step forward. So I keep telling my lovely sister who finally has finished her esthetics program and is ready to get going with doing esthetics from home. She did my nails a few days ago and they look so pretty, but she needs to work on her business attitude. Always a reason for not wanting to start just yet.

Anyway, not my concern is it. What can I say, I’m a bit of an overly-involved sister sometimes. Growing up we joked that I was the mom of the family (my mom is not so much of the “grown-up” unfortunately). But sis is a grown up and has to do things her way – and I have enough mothering to do with my three wild boys!

I didn’t just work this weekend. In fact I also attended a baby shower and read a couple of good books. Books are such a nice break from the busy parts of my week, and with the cable turned off I’ve been reading more than ever! In fact tomorrow I’m planning to get a post up about my latest review book, Dune Road by Jane Green. Oh and if, like me, you’ve turned back to young adult fiction ever since the Twilight Phenomenon, can I recommend the Night World series by L.J. Smith or books by Scott Westerfeld (The Uglies, The Pretties, etc) – I am so glad I’ve started reading YA novels again, they are a perfect break from my life!

Ok, really must go to bed. Not only did I work this weekend, but late last night and I just finished another urgent project. My eyes are tired and my back is wondering when I’m going to stop sitting at the table with my laptop and actually use my home office!!